Hi! I’m Rip! People know my brother but what they don’t know is I was a huge disaster. I mean, I saw a huge disaster. I was with Paul Bunyan, and Babe the Blue Ox and they cut me my cabin, and I planted maize, and with my ‘coonskin cap I felt just like Johnny Appleseed! You’ve probably never heard of him, but he walked throughout the country, spreading seeds. I’ve always wanted to meet him. He could teach me something great. Like how my cousin Rip tumbled to sleep for a hundred years, and missed the American Revolution. If I could meet any president in the whole wide world, I think I would meet George Washington
not for any particular reason—it’s just he’s on the $1 bill. And I’d prefer to be rich—but much rather I’d rather never tell a lie. I’d prefer me some nice cherry pie. You know, the gooey, moistest kind. From the richest tree in the world. I can’t tell a lie, my stomach is growling right now.
I haven’t eaten anything for the last three days. Babe says paul’s cookie up a bunch of flapjacks. They’re big as a spoof and tall as a man. I’d much prefer to have a tin roof over my head. The eaves are dripping. It would be so amazing if we could find a place thats always sunny, don’t you think?
In my heart, I know its my Manifest Destiny to head out West, and I don’t need anybody to tell me otherwise—I know it’s silly. To the ocean I go—America. I wonder what trees they’ll have—maybe oaks.
Austin Diamond 